Late-Night Hosts Target Trump's New 'Gold Card' Residency Program

Late-night's top comedians devoted the evening mocking President Donald Trump's newly launched visa initiative, dubbed the "gold card," portraying it as a blatant cash-for-residency scheme for the wealthy.

Colbert's Sarcastic Take

Starting his show, Stephen Colbert offered a sardonic Christmas tune targeting the president. "He is making a list, reviewing it twice, before giving that list to the agents at ICE," he sang. "Trump ... spoils all he handles."

The focus was the controversial initiative which permits foreign citizens to acquire U.S. residency for the price of $1 million dollars, with a "premium" option for five million. The program's website guarantees approval "faster than ever."

"A brief note for you to affluent foreigners: before you fork over the cash, have you considered Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He noted that the scheme is also meant to "extract cash" from firms wanting to hire foreign workers, with significant costs. "That is a lot of fees, but if you sign up, you also get free accommodation at a hotel of your choosing – if it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he added.

"The best vetting the U.S. government has ever done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to make sure these individuals absolutely are eligible to be in America."

"That is important, you gotta prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert responded. "First question: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Roast

On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the initiative the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"It's a card that will allow affluent overseas citizens to live here," he stated. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get official resident status, you get a road to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one major crime of your selection."

"It might be time to revise that poem on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your huddled masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel lampooned the brevity of the application, saying it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"That's right, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "It's what Jesus always said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Economic Issues

On another network, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's declining approval ratings amid financial concerns. "The public gave Donald Trump a second term because they were upset about the economy," he said.

Recently, in a attempt to address affordability, Trump held a press conference in front of a display of food items, and behaved oddly to boxes of cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a long time."

"Trump is so fucking weird," Meyers responded. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by criticizing conservative media defenses of Trump's economic performance. "Perhaps rather than voicing concerns, you should give him a shiny trophy similar to what FIFA did," he joked.