These Words shared by My Dad Which Rescued Us during my time as a First-Time Parent

"In my view I was simply trying to survive for twelve months."

One-time reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the difficulties of being a father.

However the truth soon became "completely different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health issues surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was thrust into acting as her chief support as well as taking care of their infant son Leo.

"I was doing every night time, every change… every stroll. The role of both parents," Ryan shared.

Following nearly a year he became exhausted. That was when a chat with his own dad, on a public seat, that helped him see he required support.

The direct phrases "You aren't in a good place. You require support. How can I assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and start recovering.

His story is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. While people is now more accustomed to discussing the stress on moms and about PND, less is said about the struggles fathers encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan believes his struggles are linked to a wider failure to communicate amongst men, who continue to hold onto harmful notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and stays upright time and again."

"It's not a display of failure to seek help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to accept they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - especially in front of a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental well-being is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the chance to take a respite - going on a short trip abroad, outside of the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he required a adjustment to consider his and his partner's emotional states alongside the day-to-day duties of taking care of a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now writing Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan believes these will help his son better understand the language of emotional life and understand his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen was without consistent male a father figure. Even with having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, long-standing trauma meant his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says repressing feelings led him to make "terrible actions" when younger to change how he was feeling, seeking comfort in substance use as escapism from the anguish.

"You find your way to behaviours that are harmful," he explains. "They may short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Strategies for Coping as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - if you're feeling under pressure, tell a friend, your other half or a counsellor what you're going through. This can to lighten the load and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the things that allowed you to feel like yourself before having a baby. This might be playing sport, socialising or gaming.
• Pay attention to the physical stuff - nutritious food, getting some exercise and when you can, sleep, all contribute in how your mental state is coping.
• Meet other new dads - hearing about their stories, the messy ones, and also the good ones, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Understand that requesting help does not mean you've failed - looking after your own well-being is the optimal method you can look after your family.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the loss, having had no contact with him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead provide the security and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they do "shaking it out" together - processing the frustrations in a healthy way.

Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men since they faced their issues, altered how they communicate, and figured out how to control themselves for their children.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan says. "I said, sometimes I think my job is to guide and direct you what to do, but actually, it's a dialogue. I am understanding just as much as you are on this path."